i'm a whore

4th post of the day? what the fuck. i suffering from insomnia lately.been sleeping really late since april . ____ . my health is draining too, gosh. haiz. anyway, i've decided to cheer people up as it gives me pleasure to see someone else happy. (: i wanna see the people around me to smile and laugh. sabrina, jialin, cecilia, clerissa, jiamin,koiheng, vinesh, smile okay. don be sad , unless you wanna me to whack your asses. i wish i can be happy like jiaqi. haiz. instead of trying to cheer myself up and solve my own fucking problems, i've decided to bring joy to another person cuz i know my misery is a complete no hope situation already. i've changed my opinions already. i don put myself as first priority anymore. i'm having low self esteeem. i've really failed in life and commit many mistakes that bought about sufferings to the people around me. i want to change that. i know jiaqi and jialin, your are shocked by the cuts on my hand. i'm losing a grip on myself. i'm having nightmares constantly.a minute ago,I had a dream and it was about you ...
I smiled and recalled the memories we had ...
then I noticed a tear fell from my eyes ... you know why?
Coz in my dream you kissed me and said goodbye ...
my eye bags are getting heavier. i'm feeling cold and freezing lately even though the weather is so hot. these are symtoms, that show what a failure i am in life. i dont want people i love to end up like me, the least i can do is to at least make them smile-- which i'm trying very hard to. i know i've been completely restless and lifeless and pouring out all my problems to alot of people lately. i just want to forget about all the unhappiness and concentrate on my MYE. i wanna make my parents proud. somehow i can't. i'm an epic, i really am.
hazim, i'm sorry,i really am..